Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I have a post in my drafts that I'm not brave enough to publish... yet!

Well the onslaught of the ski shop spilled in to, today.... I didn't realise how much it affected me this time or Oatie, which has made me wonder whether to shield him from such events or not, or then is it pretending that he isn't really physically less able?

It affected me so much, that today we had the worst manual bench session since March, Poor Oatie was full of phlegm and he didn't want to be there, he also I realised today enjoyed his new found freedom of Chronic pneumonial Bronchitis, he got to play all day and he as was I enjoying having some downtime.... and not be attached to a bench for that time.  On the upside it's the Christmas holidays so without the school run dashes etc, he and I both get some time to do other things rather than being as I call it a pingpong.

The bit you are "missing" was this whole bit about being on your own, but with emotion, how the only people who really have any time for you, are for example your ABR friends, people who themselves have the least amount to time to spare, have the most time to give.  Just a one-liner is all it takes and it feels like the biggest bested hug and I'm a hugger!  It also adds the contrast that these people have the least amount of time and the people with far more time are not there for you.  Your support network if it's like ours fits on one hand, the empty promises give the enticement of support, but is like stepping on a cobweb, you think it's strong as a web, but it's as strong as one strand and it's not really there.  You have the "brushers" under carpet who think, Oatie will be CURED, and he's just experiencing a life blip, like club foot and it will all just go away with time and he'll be just as able as you or I and on the really tough days, I just have to put on the brave face as, you can't be honest and say how it is as then you get accused of being self-centered and Yes I know there are millions of people out in the world suffering, dying of terminal disease, victims of war and famine.... and so many more people worse off than Oatie or I.  But at the end of the day, I'm just a ordinary person, I don't profess to be anything else than that, I have feelings like Oatie and I hurt too.  My poor Cat has had so many tears on her coat through out her life, she's 11, she's the one I always turn too, even though it severely messes up her fur, she's always willing to sacrifice it.  Oh dear, it's turning emotional again...

Well I had this whole bit about parental sacrifice how you'd chop or donate a bit of you, to spare your child, but that (I could be the only person in the whole world who feels this) feel that that is the easy option, sacrificing time on an ongoing basis for me is harder.....

OK, I have just chopped off the latter part of this post and saved that in my drafts too, as I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to publish that part either it ended up being a less emotional version of post "2:41", what if my few followers disappear too as a result?  It was the my version/feelings of a snapshot "word flow chart" of life with a Cerebral Palsy special person.... do I post it or not.... the hesitation is because it's the truth, well, as I see it.... and it's not what "people" want to hear....  OK going to find my cat....


  1. Mel,
    I think that this is a great post and you were very right to do it. Your feelings are real and it is ok to vent them in public. People in general don't have a clue and blogging about the good events and most difficult ones purges our soul...helps you continue on the road to "skating."
    Our warmest regards and love to you and your family...you are genuine, the "real thing".

  2. Thank you Phil, what you said means a lot to me, We love you too xxx


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