Thursday, September 8, 2011

top tip to kill a conversation or have people walk away!

My theory on making people walk away with a set phrase works every time! Yep. if you want anyone to walk away in North America, just talk about School busses not having seat belts. It worked last year and well it still works this year too!

Well aside from that I ended up having a lively debate about aides/school.

A person I know was telling me about a child who has Attention deficit disorder, and how this child was EXCLUDED from class until the Mother gave in to medicate the child. Now I have absolutely no knowledge/first hand experience on ADD and surprisingly no opinion on to medicate or not as I have never personally researched it so please don't think I have an I don't. The reason for my pointing this out is, that this child who has ADD, was described as "dangerous to the other children, violent etc" and the fact that this child ended up on medication was a TRIUMPH, when the mother gave in.

AT which point, I pointed out, well what about Oatie? this time last year, he was labelled as a DANGER to his classmates, and violent and angry. Where as the actual truth was, that he was being bullied by 3-4 other kids in his class and it wasn't until several months of me fighting the principle did we eventually get it to stop and for her to see the light! Oatie didn't need to be medicated, he was being bullied! Point being it depend which end of the spectrum that you stand at... isn't it!

How I finally got the matter to rest was a public display out outrage from me...when Oatie didn't attend the field trip to the fire station and I went to the preschool room to tell the teachers and the parents exactly why Oatie wasn't going, because of their (the parents) prejudice behaviour.

--------so our conversation moved on to....
I was just saying that I really enjoy the 2 hours that I have while Oatie is at preschool...... and with him having Cerebral palsy.... it's the only break I/we get. I wasn't moaning, I was merely trying to EDUCATE!

Which our debate went on to aides as Oatie's fabulous aide went back to his home town, and he has his stand in aide is also very nice and I just happened to mention why people find being an aide stressful. I was saying that the best aides that I have seen are those who don't have young children while aiding another young child....or their children are older or don't have any children. The ones I have noticed who find it stressful have kids similar age to that they are aiding. Where by the person I was debating with disagreed saying that being an aide is a stressful job.

The person I was having this discussion with, was saying that it's totally different having a disabled person who is your child as you love them unconditionally...but an aide doesn't have that emotional link with them.

I'm sorry but I just don't agree,.... Yes I love Oatie unconditionally... and yes I have a great bond with him. But having a disabled person to care for isnt really a choice, like all the fellow bloggers I've met... you just get on with what you're dealt... (I'm not entering the selective abortion arena), I'm just saying that I didn't go hey let's have a kid with CP today! or who wishes that something unfortunate happens to their kids to enter the world of disability... like no one....

What about if the parent didn't bond with their kid with special needs from Post natal depression for example... how would that be not stressful to care for the kid but being an aide is? And... Even with a strong bond... The never having a day off... Knowing the difference with able and lesser able kids even with your own. And the general on your own feeling that comes part of the baggage of special needs What special needs actually means (you're on your FUBAR own...OK! And we'll rub your face in it!!! Got it!)

I'm not wanting to dis any aides out there, I think anyone who is an aide is a special kind of person, I'm just debating the debate.

You see, that to me to be an aide..... an aide, is PAID, and an aide gets to choose if they want to work with the individual or not. The aide has the person for a limited amount of hours, an aide can walk away, and aide can go home at night and shut the door. I really don't see how that is stressful at all. To be an aide is a CHOICE!

So my point is, although you love your special one unconditionally, having to care for someone who is long term dependent on you 24-7 is way more stressful than being an aide. No actual break apart from an hour here or there. Maybe I should have banged on about seat belts on school busses with this person!


  1. This is a often stated serious of comments lately in all of our blogs...people view our kids as invisible, threatening, uncomfortable to be around, and on. We clearly see the inner beauty and perfection of our kids, as do a handful of others. No one should be denied an education, no one should not be totally valued as a person, and no one should be denied a seat belt on a bus...coming to a quick stop 50 kids could be thrown forward into metal benches! Anybody care....? Mel. it's a sad world that we confront! Keep battling, girl...

  2. Love this post Mel! I am so fortunate to have a great team for Cj at school, as they have never had a child with Lesch Nyhan. They all did lots of research and learned how to deal with this aweful disease/syndrome and their behavior. His self injurious behavior is getting really out of control and I was so concerned that they would not know how to deal with him. He is also trying to hurt others with his left strange and hard to deal with. He gave me a black eye! They have been so supportive and include him in everything plus some!
    I would have done the same as you! I am proud of you!
    As for the seat belts on the bus...OMG! This makes me livid! I swear I want to start a petition on this one! I already have to deal with one son with a disability I certainly do not want to deal with another because of such stupidity!!!!! What the F????


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