top tip to kill a conversation or have people walk away!

My theory on making people walk away with a set phrase works every time! Yep. if you want anyone to walk away in North America, just talk about School busses not having seat belts. It worked last year and well it still works this year too!

Well aside from that I ended up having a lively debate about aides/school.

A person I know was telling me about a child who has Attention deficit disorder, and how this child was EXCLUDED from class until the Mother gave in to medicate the child. Now I have absolutely no knowledge/first hand experience on ADD and surprisingly no opinion on to medicate or not as I have never personally researched it so please don't think I have an opinion...as I don't. The reason for my pointing this out is, that this child who has ADD, was described as "dangerous to the other children, violent etc" and the fact that this child ended up on medication was a TRIUMPH, when the mother gave in.

AT which point, I pointed out, well what about Oatie? this time last year, he was labelled as a DANGER to his classmates, and violent and angry. Where as the actual truth was, that he was being bullied by 3-4 other kids in his class and it wasn't until several months of me fighting the principle did we eventually get it to stop and for her to see the light! Oatie didn't need to be medicated, he was being bullied! Point being it depend which end of the spectrum that you stand at... isn't it!

How I finally got the matter to rest was a public display out outrage from me...when Oatie didn't attend the field trip to the fire station and I went to the preschool room to tell the teachers and the parents exactly why Oatie wasn't going, because of their (the parents) prejudice behaviour.

--------so our conversation moved on to....
I was just saying that I really enjoy the 2 hours that I have while Oatie is at preschool...... and with him having Cerebral palsy.... it's the only break I/we get. I wasn't moaning, I was merely trying to EDUCATE!

Which our debate went on to aides as Oatie's fabulous aide went back to his home town, and he has his stand in aide is also very nice and I just happened to mention why people find being an aide stressful. I was saying that the best aides that I have seen are those who don't have young children while aiding another young child....or their children are older or don't have any children. The ones I have noticed who find it stressful have kids similar age to that they are aiding. Where by the person I was debating with disagreed saying that being an aide is a stressful job.

The person I was having this discussion with, was saying that it's totally different having a disabled person who is your child as you love them unconditionally...but an aide doesn't have that emotional link with them.

I'm sorry but I just don't agree,.... Yes I love Oatie unconditionally... and yes I have a great bond with him. But having a disabled person to care for isnt really a choice, like all the fellow bloggers I've met... you just get on with what you're dealt... (I'm not entering the selective abortion arena), I'm just saying that I didn't go hey let's have a kid with CP today! or who wishes that something unfortunate happens to their kids to enter the world of disability... like no one....

What about if the parent didn't bond with their kid with special needs from Post natal depression for example... how would that be not stressful to care for the kid but being an aide is? And... Even with a strong bond... The never having a day off... Knowing the difference with able and lesser able kids even with your own. And the general on your own feeling that comes part of the baggage of special needs What special needs actually means (you're on your FUBAR own...OK! And we'll rub your face in it!!! Got it!)

I'm not wanting to dis any aides out there, I think anyone who is an aide is a special kind of person, I'm just debating the debate.

You see, that to me to be an aide..... an aide, is PAID, and an aide gets to choose if they want to work with the individual or not. The aide has the person for a limited amount of hours, an aide can walk away, and aide can go home at night and shut the door. I really don't see how that is stressful at all. To be an aide is a CHOICE!

So my point is, although you love your special one unconditionally, having to care for someone who is long term dependent on you 24-7 is way more stressful than being an aide. No actual break apart from an hour here or there. Maybe I should have banged on about seat belts on school busses with this person!

Happy Birthday! Oatie is 4!

Oatie turned 4. The main thing is that he had a brilliant day! We hadn't decided on a birthday party as such as a lot of our good friends are on holiday or about to go this week. So we'll probably have a gathering of people to celebrate his birthday in a few weeks time. I am sure he won't mind... he'll get another cake!

If you don't want to read a rant! then scroll down to the photos below! (It's about disabled people being excluded by able people)
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For me it was a day of mixed feelings, I suppose the difference between my older two's birthday and Oats. My older two at the same age, had a hall full of people... and Oatie, well not many of his peers would come.

Still even now, you think someone has got it, got Oatie and on your inner circle of Oatie Supporters... only to find that this person, when it comes down to the crunch.... is actually no different, at the core than the people who view "disability" with disdain...... it's the exclusion, I think it's the exclusion that I find the hardest. (In a nutshell, Oatie doesn't get invited to a party but a non-physically restricted person does, who both (Oatie and this boy) know the boy, both from the same place). It wasn't that Oatie didn't get invited as such, it was that it was all "secret-secret, hush-hush" as the mum was I thought from the inner circle of families that I trust. I think what it was was the fact that it was all hush-hush, but then they spoke about it right in front of me, and rubbed your face in it too... not once but over DAYS! (the boy in question and Oatie are a few days apart in age so it wasn't like he's 8 and Oaties 4) and it wasn't like she said..., "I'd like to invite him but it's going to be a boisterous kick a ball around party..." and give him the choice. It was also at her house so it wasn't like 15$ per person nor did she ask If I would stay with him as I would do.

Then the mum (also a friend of mine) from the boy who was invited... did say, when she asked about directions..."Oh I thought that Oatie would be invited, as (friends/same age/ your neighbours). and she felt bad... she then said... "ahh Exclusion.." "I was like, yep probably..." And told her not to feel bad, they can invite whom ever they want and it isn't and won't be the last time Oatie will be EXCLUDED from things.

nevertheless, you cannot be surprised at other peoples crapness... I feel like Jack Burns from "Meet the F's..." she's out my circle of trust! lol! All I wanted was honesty... and not some whisperings behind my back!

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Oatie showing off his Drinking Skills with a Glass

A new Dora DVD for his ABR Bench time...

Dora Cake with Sparklers and Candles

Today (Wednesday) Oatie and I got in 3 hours of ABR, we did one of the new style exercises and two favorites of mine. We watched one of his new Thomas Tank DVD's.