Oatie turned 4. The main thing is that he had a brilliant day! We hadn't decided on a birthday party as such as a lot of our good friends are on holiday or about to go this week. So we'll probably have a gathering of people to celebrate his birthday in a few weeks time. I am sure he won't mind... he'll get another cake!
If you don't want to read a rant! then scroll down to the photos below! (It's about disabled people being excluded by able people)
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For me it was a day of mixed feelings, I suppose the difference between my older two's birthday and Oats. My older two at the same age, had a hall full of people... and Oatie, well not many of his peers would come.
Still even now, you think someone has got it, got Oatie and on your inner circle of Oatie Supporters... only to find that this person, when it comes down to the crunch.... is actually no different, at the core than the people who view "disability" with disdain...... it's the exclusion, I think it's the exclusion that I find the hardest. (In a nutshell, Oatie doesn't get invited to a party but a non-physically restricted person does, who both (Oatie and this boy) know the boy, both from the same place). It wasn't that Oatie didn't get invited as such, it was that it was all "secret-secret, hush-hush" as the mum was I thought from the inner circle of families that I trust. I think what it was was the fact that it was all hush-hush, but then they spoke about it right in front of me, and rubbed your face in it too... not once but over DAYS! (the boy in question and Oatie are a few days apart in age so it wasn't like he's 8 and Oaties 4) and it wasn't like she said..., "I'd like to invite him but it's going to be a boisterous kick a ball around party..." and give him the choice. It was also at her house so it wasn't like 15$ per person nor did she ask If I would stay with him as I would do.
Then the mum (also a friend of mine) from the boy who was invited... did say, when she asked about directions..."Oh I thought that Oatie would be invited, as (friends/same age/ your neighbours). and she felt bad... she then said... "ahh Exclusion.." "I was like, yep probably..." And told her not to feel bad, they can invite whom ever they want and it isn't and won't be the last time Oatie will be EXCLUDED from things.
nevertheless, you cannot be surprised at other peoples crapness... I feel like Jack Burns from "Meet the F's..." she's out my circle of trust! lol! All I wanted was honesty... and not some whisperings behind my back!
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If you don't want to read a rant! then scroll down to the photos below! (It's about disabled people being excluded by able people)
--------------------
For me it was a day of mixed feelings, I suppose the difference between my older two's birthday and Oats. My older two at the same age, had a hall full of people... and Oatie, well not many of his peers would come.
Still even now, you think someone has got it, got Oatie and on your inner circle of Oatie Supporters... only to find that this person, when it comes down to the crunch.... is actually no different, at the core than the people who view "disability" with disdain...... it's the exclusion, I think it's the exclusion that I find the hardest. (In a nutshell, Oatie doesn't get invited to a party but a non-physically restricted person does, who both (Oatie and this boy) know the boy, both from the same place). It wasn't that Oatie didn't get invited as such, it was that it was all "secret-secret, hush-hush" as the mum was I thought from the inner circle of families that I trust. I think what it was was the fact that it was all hush-hush, but then they spoke about it right in front of me, and rubbed your face in it too... not once but over DAYS! (the boy in question and Oatie are a few days apart in age so it wasn't like he's 8 and Oaties 4) and it wasn't like she said..., "I'd like to invite him but it's going to be a boisterous kick a ball around party..." and give him the choice. It was also at her house so it wasn't like 15$ per person nor did she ask If I would stay with him as I would do.
Then the mum (also a friend of mine) from the boy who was invited... did say, when she asked about directions..."Oh I thought that Oatie would be invited, as (friends/same age/ your neighbours). and she felt bad... she then said... "ahh Exclusion.." "I was like, yep probably..." And told her not to feel bad, they can invite whom ever they want and it isn't and won't be the last time Oatie will be EXCLUDED from things.
nevertheless, you cannot be surprised at other peoples crapness... I feel like Jack Burns from "Meet the F's..." she's out my circle of trust! lol! All I wanted was honesty... and not some whisperings behind my back!
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| Oatie showing off his Drinking Skills with a Glass |
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| A new Dora DVD for his ABR Bench time... |
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| Dora Cake with Sparklers and Candles |
Today (Wednesday) Oatie and I got in 3 hours of ABR, we did one of the new style exercises and two favorites of mine. We watched one of his new Thomas Tank DVD's.
happy b day oatie
ReplyDeleteAs a teen with CP it is often hard not to feel left out I feel left out a lot i hope it gets better and to me u should not b friends with that child or his parents
That was one of the nicest rants I've ever read. Mine are monstrous by comparison. And I have it pretty easy I guess. You're kid sounds to be full of win, so I wouldn't worry about it.
ReplyDelete+followed
Oh Mel, I just hate hearing about "exclusion" AND when it happens to Oatie all of my mother bear instincts get rattled fiercely. Someone just made a comment to me - I was talking about our internet community and some of our shared experiences (particularly around family and friends - frustration and disappointment) She said, "OH, doesn't it make you feel better to know that you are not alone in your experiences? That others have the same frustration and disappointment?" I said, "NO, NO, NO - it makes me furious with our culture's lack of humanity, our society's abysmal failure with regard to our disabled loved ones. So there! You gave Oatie a great day, great cake and thank God Oatie has you. Love to all of you
ReplyDeleteOk, I'm making my rounds late. Give that little one a kiss---he's so stinkin' cute!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had an easy answer for the exclusion. I see it with my son and the parties as well. He never gets invited and the mom's stand out in front of school talking about it--most knowing full well A. was not invited. No shame. He would love to go (and I have stated I would go with him) but most of the mom's don't want to be bothered with his needs. And it kills him to know he's not invited. Sigh. I wish it was easier.
On a happier note--that cake is amazing!!!
Dear AZ, Elliot, Sharon and Lizbeth,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your lovely comments. I just cannot stand exclusion, it really narks me off! I think you ladies sum it up perfectly!
I am a youth group leader, not the main person, and well we had this a Spring Camp weekend camp, one of the kids who's 15 has Aspergers and well the kid is a really smashing young man and we (his usual leaders see this). Anyway he was having an off day (don't we all) and well I am not saying what he did was right, (it was about every 30 minutes Mel "X" has done this... or Mel, he's done that...(it wasn't horrific)) but the other leaders wanted him to be sent home (Sent home means excluded to me), and well we his usual leaders didn't want him to be sent home, we know he's a smashing young man and well, he just needed some time and we sat with him for an hour and had a good chat, he made amends and turned it all around. He truly is a wonderful young man, they type of guy who would do anything for anyone, this young man "x" is also one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. I just can't believe that other people can't see what we can see in him.
Oatie enjoyed eating backpack and my daughter enjoyed eating the Map, and her and Oatie were singing Backpack, Backpack from Dora continuously swapping it with I'm the map, I'm the map... all week long, I was kind of relieved the the cake was EATEN! lol!
Lizbeth, I'm so sorry that 'A' has to endure that, so know where you're coming from....